My cousin Andira had inquired with her spouse, Lacey, how women were attracted to men at all since the mere idea baffled her. I only know about this because the exchange was posted on Facebook and it sparked an interesting internal inquiry inside my own head. As a pansexual individual, I have a natural attraction to well, potentially any form of human configuration and identity so I had an answer for her. While contemplating it further, I did my best to discern how to describe all the persuasions of folks I have been drawn to over the years that I have had met and interacted with.
Now two points of clarification and disclosure: this is a blog regarding attraction, not some torrid recall of any proclivities so neither worry about such or expect such a case. Second, this is my interpretation of attraction – in no way should this be perceived as some sort of authoritative or definitive description of genders and sexual orientations – merely my own perceptions and experiences. If you read any of my work before, I will rattle this saber about as frequently as possible simply because I want to avoid unnecessary and undesired conflict. I have no intentions of persuading or convincing… Anyone. 😉
It’s always a bit amusing to me to hear someone’s reaction when they hear I’m pansexual or … attracted to men. “But wait, what?! You date women!” I have dated both, just frequently dated women more specifically out of circumstance and general preference. It was always a troubling frustration when I lived in Nebraska on and off because to many, I instead had to be Gay because “I didn’t act straight.” Well dearie me, I had to be one or the other, right? What a stark dichotomy; not a lot of wiggle room there. One of the reasons I moved to the East Coast, got tired of the hard boxes people would often try to put me into to figure out how to check me off appropriately.
For me (get used to this lead in), guys remind me of … Trees. Seriously. Run with me on this, it will get more clear. You end up looking for strong, firm, rooted types. Someone you can bury your face into and wrap your arms around – take in that earthy smell and feel their rugged exterior and feel the life inside of them. They come in different shapes and sizes, some have deep, strong branches with a lot of leaves, others have a nice lean to them, filled with character and willowy, dangly stems. Sometimes you want to build a home with them, sometimes just spend an afternoon resting against them, but just the same, you enjoy that level of stoic, living, character and how firm and vibrant they can be.
As for women, for me they remind me of a loving a sunrise, a wild, natural experience. Like a random field of heather you get to lie down in and smell the sweetness that surrounds you. Or how your heart races as you bounce, slam, and careen down a white water rapid; like a flower blooms inside of you when look at them. Loving a woman is like being able to look at a mountain in the spring, life green and vibrant, and being able to have it want you back. Like being able to hold a flower’s hand, feel the soft, sweet texture of her glorious countenance. She is strong, she is wild, and fierce when she needs to be. When she wants to be. She is nature, she is air, she is fire, she is earth, and she is water.
For me, that is also how androgynous and gender neutral are – they are elements; transcendent of exact definition beyond binary distinction – they are pure being. They are defined by themselves and themselves alone – whether they are outwardly resistant to anything resembling labeling or quietly defiant; they stand resolute in their in their unique, singular presence. In this right, they harness the stoic presence of a male with the force of nature presence of a woman while still transcending both genders entirely. I would find myself being drawn to such puissance somewhere between outward admiration and a unique desire to bask intimately in such beauty beyond the lines we draw for ourselves. To know a person for their own uniqueness far beyond any prescribed expectations.
For me, a transgendered soul and the gender fluid persuasion are the sweet and great changelings of the human race. They are not defined by the corporal shell in which they first came into this world in but seek what they are inside. This takes a strong sense of self, a presence of being to push past what is pressed upon them to be, and to be who they are truly. This state of being is the paragon of nature itself; to let the seed of self break through the earth and become what they are meant to be. There is a unique beauty unto this transition itself, a shimmer as one’s seaming is either altered temporarily or permanently. To love wholly and completely regardless of physical state.
In all fairness, my interest is naturally influenced by two key facts – my affinity with nature and that, ironically, my disinterest in procreation. But frankly in this modern age, I feel it’s moot as child rearing and raising has limited bearing as a necessity, though it has it’s influences in attraction to another sole. Attempting to locate an individual with similar interests as mine while not desire children themselves has been challenging. A vibrant journey nonetheless went underway to find her and I met some exceptionally beautiful and wonderful people along the way. I chose to finish with this paragraph instead of leading with it because it’s a happy ending and I wanted you to read the journey first. 😉
Gilded Gibberish. 